A Visual Representation of What's Wrong with America

Ah, iced coffee.

I'd like to think this sexy and delicious beverage is the modern nectar of the Gods. And trust me, on a 90-degree morning on your way to work - it can seem so.

Unfortunately, something happened to me the other day that has forced me to question the human - or the American - condition. And yes, it has to do with Dunkin' Donuts.

The only Dunks between my apartment and work is unfortunately situated at the crossroads of three major streets and a very busy set of railroad tracks. The vehicle entrance is quite literally three car lengths away from the stop line at the light. Normally, pulling in this time of day is a mini-debacle, but yesterday it was downright absurd.

I waited through three rotations of a red light at the same intersection before the entrance to Dunks opened up and I could pull my car in. Naturally, the line for the drive-through was about 12 cars long (all of whom were eating up very precious parking lot real estate), so I opted to (horrors!) park my car and walk in to get my coffee.

I aimed the nose of my car carefully to the most easily accessible parking spot - it was a tight squeeze with the turning radius of my car being so poor and the amount of traffic in the already tiny lot. As I was about to pull in - when I was graced with a visual example of why the world hates Americans.

A giant, white, Lexus SUV had pulled into the Meineke parking lot next door to Dunks. This once-lovely, now haggard 30-something woman apparently has a much more important life than any of the rest of us poor saps angling for morning iced caffeine. The bitch drove her too-big car up OVER the curb that separates the two business' parking lots, then drove OVER the whole thing, and came to a crash landing right in front of me - in my parking spot.

Stunned (but not terribly so, Connecticut drivers make all Bostonians look like magna cum laude graduates of Mr. Muffler's School of Driving Etiquette), I sat behind my wheel for a moment, before I said "What the hell?" (making damn sure to move my lips so she could read them)

I guess I'm the asshole, because she looked at me, still 7 feet in the air behind the wheel of her Lexus, and laughed. She laughed! And then, as if her amusement at my frustration wasn't bad enough, she said (and, I quote): "Fuck you."

... go ahead and re-read that. I'll give you a minute.

-Ahem. Again, I'm sorry that I was in your way. Your way through someone else's parking lot, up over a curb, thereby cutting off 4 other cars who had their turn signals on, indicating their intention to go to Dunks. I am such a jerk!

Anywho, I found a different parking spot, and I got my coffee and life - well, it went on.

I have no quip to wrap this post up nicely. Nothing witty to say about this. I only wanted to share with you, dear reader (all none of you!), the importance of being polite to others and courteous behind the wheel.

Because as the great philosophers Pj and Karen once said:

"If ya act like an asshole, you're gonna get treated like an asshole."