Wednesday, May 7, 2008

How Time Flies When You're in the Throes of Wedding Planning

After months of not posting - I figured I owed y'all a quickie recap, at the very LEAST, detailing what exactly I've been doing.

Well, in December, Mike and I got engaged! And since then, my weeks and months have been filled with the most random shit ever.

Most of it has been fun/exciting. Registering was fun - although it was quite a lot of work. Wielding that scanner while trying to not knock stuff over in the fine china and crystal department at Fortunoff's was definitely a challenge. Picking a band was cool - we've chosen Paul Lacano and the Cocktail Shakers. It's an 11-person ensemble with horns and two singers ... they are really tremendous.

But the heartbreak in this whole situation is due to the ridiculous constraints of the Catholic church, my mother's inability to admit that I *might* have differing opinions on topics she considers universally decided upon, and the fact that - frankly - I don't care which religion my children will be raised in.

If you're Catholic, before you can marry, you must attend pre-Cana classes. It's basically pre-wedding counseling, so that you and your partner understand the depth of the commitment you are about to make to one another. What they don't tell you right up front is that they also require you to sign a contract proclaiming you will do everything in your power to raise your children Catholic.

Months back, pre-engagement, we discussed this topic. Mike's Judaism is important to him, and he told me he wanted to raise his children Jewish. My Catholicism isn't nearly that important to me, so I told him I would love to raise our children Jewish, as long as they could have exposure to the traditions I hold dear.

(Turns out, there's an entire website devoted to this topic, so in the interim, I've been reading up on the subject. The way people in these situations deal with Christmas, Easter, etc. is to tell their children that they are "helping" mommy celebrate her holidays, but they aren't celebrating for themselves. I thought that was a very intelligent and honest approach to the situation. Because I'm NOT giving up Christmas! lol )

Anywhoodle, try rationally explaining this to my mother, who began to sob, then locked herself in the bathroom - completely inconsolable. She comes from a very traditional Roman Catholic family upbringing, like my father. And while I think my dad just wants me to be happy, my mother just wants herself to be happy when it comes to things like this. Now that it's months after this entire thing blew up, I can see that she's a very selfish person at times, at no fault of her own. She was thinking about all the things SHE was going to miss out on, all the things SHE wasn't going to get to do with her grandchildren. She was focused on that fact that I was DOING this to her, and that I was insulting and walking away from all the saints and Jesus himself. What she wasn't thinking about was how much careful thought and soul-searching I had done, and how happy Mike makes me, and how happy my new path in life was making me. Sure, it's definitely not the path she may have wandered down with my father for 44 years - but I'm thrilled I found my path and my partner and ALL that good stuff.

After her tantrum that day, she was a cold, cold witch to me. I guess that was her way of punishing me. That, and telling me that "after everything," she just "didn't feel like" having the Bridal Tea she was planning for me. She also told me that "Now" she didn't want to be as involved in the wedding as she thought she did.

Yes. Childish. But she's still my mother, and I love her. And I understand her hurt.

A few months later, and things seem to be settling down. She's less passive-aggressive to me, and we've even gotten closer. Which is nice, because guess what? This isn't Hollywood, and I'm not Elizabeth Taylor. Mike's my best friend, and I'm over the moon super ridiculous happy that we're getting married. There will not be another wedding. So if she missed this, she'd miss it forever. And she's already been robbed of years of memories with Dan getting killed. I don't want her to lose out on memories of me.

So kids, that's all I got on the dramas of planning a wedding. I'll try to be good and post more, but hey - I'm a busy, busy, Almost-Mrs. H.!

Cheers.

1 comment:

Gal on the Go said...

Oh Nikki - I'm so sorry you have to deal with the drama. Maybe mom will come around in the end - mine always does, just makes you pay for it :-)
Love you!