The Great Thanksgiving Debate

It's no mystery parents drive their children bananas. It's science. They're chemically predisposed to irritate their children, and I suspect the day I become a parent - I'll be no different. (Although, I will give being non-irritating a fair shot.)

However, when it comes to simple discussion - such as calmly conversing about plans for Thanksgiving - I give up on patience; especially if they have me on their Goddammed SPEAKERPHONE.

Originally, I wanted to host Thanksgiving at our apartment in Connecticut. It would have been my first time cooking Thanksgiving dinner on my own, and as we all know, I truly love to cook so this was a very exciting prospect.

After more discussion, however, M and I decided we neither have the seating space for pre- and post-dinner relaxing for eight people, NOR do I possess certain items that make pulling a Thanksgiving feast together possible (i.e. roasting pan for the turkey, nice china or silverware). So I am now vacillating among several possible choices, including inviting everyone to the Berkshires for dinner at my folks' house and even (horrors), Going Out To Dinner somewhere with both sets of parents.

(Side Note** I happen to abhor the idea of dining out for Thanksgiving. To me, that's the one holiday where good ol' home cookin' reigns supreme. Freshly mashed squash, turnip and potatoes? Juicy, fat turkey whose aroma you've been smelling since early in the morning? Homemade pies and fudge? STUFFING? Snatching piping hot chunks of meat and skin off the bird once it's out of the oven? Getting tipsy on wine at 11 a.m.? Long walk in the chilly air afterward? Yes, yes, yes, YES! Why would I want to go out to dinner where I can't wear elastic waist pants and get sloshed and make obscene jokes? Where's the tradition?)

I suppose this morning's irritation could have been avoided, if I had only not brought up something I knew would take longer to discuss fully than my 10 minute drive into work would allow. I just keep hoping that one day, I'll bring something up casually, and my mother WON'T imagine that I'm trying to ditch her, or that I'm trying to leave her out, or that I'm trying to sneakily get out of some sort of "obligation" I have to her and my dad. The minute I mentioned asking M's parents what they had planned, she jumped to ask me "Oh, so it sounds like you're hedging towards going with them for Thanksgiving and leaving me and your father here to fend for ourselves?"

And no, her tone was neither light, nor joking. She was honestly asking me that. Whether she was attempting to goad me into an argument or what, I guess I'll only ever be able to speculate. Even if I confront her (as M usually INSISTS I do, because he can't stand to see me upset when I get off the phone with her), she'll never admit to being a passive aggressive manipulator. She's not doing it maliciously, of course. But either way, it's a constant strain on our relationship.

So, no. I have no idea what will come on Thanksgiving. But what I DO know is that I'm going to be fair when it comes to divvying up our time with parents on the holidays. M's Jewish, so that means my parents are always guaranteed Christmas with M and me. And since we did Thanksgiving at my parents' house last year (with M's parents), I figured they wouldn't want to trek all the way up to the Berkshires, for the second year in a row.

And for that, I am apparently a sneaky daughter who doesn't want to be with her parents.

God, I hope that when I am in my 60s and my children have their own lives, I won't be so paranoid about who is out to get me - especially my own children.